It’s weird
because I’m out doing things that should be fun. And I pretend like they’re fun. God I’m so good at faking it. Because they’re not fun. I do enjoy myself. Sometimes. But never without the pang of missing you. I can’t be fully happy without you. But you were the one who left in the first place and maybe we should both trust your instincts. maybe no matter what we do it never would have worked. you WANTED to leave. Don’t forget that. I wanted you to stay. You wanted to leave. And you did. And mistake or not, this is where we are because of it. But you WANTED it. I don’t want this, but now I have no choice. I had to walk away. It got ruined. I hate that this is where we are. I hate that this is where I am. everything I should enjoy is marred by this. I miss you all the time. I had to call kelly today before my first day back at work and just ask her to help and support me because I didn’t think I could go in.and I went in, and I was miserable .the whole time. but I made my cole jokes and worked my cole personality. But inside i was exhausted. I was so sad. I am sad. I hate this. It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine. I want you, but I’m not giving in this time.
