RODNEY.
i NEEEED space. please. If we’re ever going to be friends I need space. please. I’m begging you. I know this is hard and I hate it too. But leaving me texts telling me to “man up” isn’t helping anything. Anger isn’t helping anything. I accept that I love you and I accept what was beautiful about our relationship and I accept that you are beautiful. But I have to accept that I will never trust you again and therefore I cannot be with you. I told you all of this. I told you I just want a beautiful goodbye where we don’t hurt eachother anymore. I dont want anymore hate, anger, or pain. I just want us to accept that we loved eachother but that we can’t be together. I’m so sorry that you read what I wrote. I’m so sorry. But your anger isn’t getting either of us anywhere. Belittling me just reminds me why we can’t be together. So, I love you, but every new number you call me on I’m going to block. Because I can’t be hurt again by you. and because i dont want to hurt you either. every time I think of you or something you did that hurt me, I remind myself that I’ve done wrong and I send you love and I wish you joy. And that’s the truth. I just want you to be happy. And I’m not trying to be petty by blocking you. I told you i’d unblock you but you didn’t leave me alone. And I just need to be left alone or I’ll never heal. And thats why I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t talk to you, but I need this. Okay? i do love you. more than you’ll ever know. And I’m not moving on, but not because I’m holding out for you to be my hero. Because I could never hurt someone by being with them while I’m still in love with you. I need to heal. You’re making me worse. And thats why this all ended in the first place. Is because we make eachother worse. So this is how it’s got to be. If there is ever an emergency I’ll be there in a flash *unless you try to kill yourself. I won’t be there for that because I can’t teach you that every time you wind up hospitalized I’ll come running, or else you will take advantage of that and do it to get me to come back. I just need you to understand this. I need space. For a long time. To heal. for a LONG time, rodney. Not a week, not a month. For a LONG time. There are so many wounds that keep reopening and I just want to be better. That’s all I want. Is to be better. I love you and I really hope you find happiness and contentment. But this anger is not love. I send you love a million times a day. whenever I think of you I send you love and hope. But we’ve got to fix ourselves.
